I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
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Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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