Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
