I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
