Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
