she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
