she was so not down for the gang bang
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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