Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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