did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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