I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
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What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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