just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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