im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
