she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
