If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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