the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
