This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize