I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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