Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize