Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
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When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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