It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
