proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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