I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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