Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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