i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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