I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the raccoons are back...
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