I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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