she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
