Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
