take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
