Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
