you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
