he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
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Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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