it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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