I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
