where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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