I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
