I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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