I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
