she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
