I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
