I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I supernannyed him into submission
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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