got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i came on her dog
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
