he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
