you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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