did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What a dumb baby whore.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
