Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
