im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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