i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize