So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
