RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
