I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
