Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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