i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
