I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He? As in you personified your dick?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
