I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
