im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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